The Start

I never realized a person's thoughts could generate such controversy. I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion but me. Alos everyone but me must be right in this screwed up world. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and hopeing for a different result. A lost of people have been insane for an awful long time. When you hit 60, you start to look at things with that sad eye toward the end. You know the big D, what we all do not want think about, what some think is going to a new apartment, a big choir, or paradise with so many virgins (and of course burning). I have also heard there is nothing. So here, I am on that down slope where the distance before completion is not only shorter but feels sometimes like it's getting faster. I suddenly feel now it's time to reconcile and take a guess at what may wait for me at the end of the road. Can I honestly sit and sift through the BS of life and come up with any explanation? I have always tried to be rationale and empirical and not let the dogma of others over take me. Like everyone else, however I have had experiences that cannot be explained. Not many but the few that dis occur stuck with me. That is a later story. The most important thing that I had to come to terms with in my life is inconsistency. You are squirted out of your mom into this society and socialization begins. Want you to cry, stop crying. Wow poop! Damn pooping so in so! Be good and share with your brothers, sisters and friends, now go out on the field and kick their ass. If you were like me in the beginning you were also neglected in one other aspect - Why the hell am I here?" You are given all these rules, sayings, and doings to occupy you and they are supposed to point you into the direction. BS. The only thing I realized from my parents was that their search was postponed by trying to teach me how they were searching and hoping I would do better. The thing is that grown up inconsistency problems are heavier than childhood inconsistency problems. What follows are my struggles to make sense of it all. Religion, politics, wars, being a man, falling in love, recognizing love, etc. There are a lot of mistakes and a lot of assumptions and opinions. We learn by failing most of the time and grow by asssuming what we have learned is right. In the end, I wish you peace my friend in a world where humility, character, honesty and faith in anything are hard to find. I wish you serenity in a world that spins without us, but can be influenced by our hearts. I wish you goodness and the understanding that what is good comes from within.